What’s That Fragrance You’re Wearing?

So, a few days ago I was with a client and we got to talking about the stuff women talk about when sitting in their stylist’s chair, life, kids, men, work etc. During the course of the conversation I asked her had she looked at my blog and was sharing with her the purpose for it. She replied that she had gone to my blog page, but had not read any of the posts.  She went on to say that she was too old to change and that she had been wearing the same perfume “Eau de Bitch” since high school and had become quite comfortable with it.  After we laughed, because I found it pretty funny, I ask her how that was working out for her, wearing that same perfume that is.

As I worked, we got to really talking and sharing our life stories with each other and what came out was that her public persona was developed as a way of opposing her mother.  She has turned herself into the stark contrast of the mother she knew growing up as a child.  My friend is very quiet and reserved.  She doesn’t smile very often (almost never) and truthfully, without knowing her, one could easily conclude that she is a mean and angry woman.  None of this is true about her, well maybe the angry part fits a little bit, but she is not a mean person at all.  In fact, she is very kind and warm-hearted and has a beautiful smile that is not used often enough.  The picture she paints of her mother is the complete opposite.  She told of a woman who when she threw a party, it would last for three days and if the woman wanted to go to a party and had no babysitter, she would take her kids with her! She went on to further describe her mother as the woman who could limbo with a drink on her head and not spill a drop (now that’s talent!).  I can see how having a mother who is the “life of the party” could create some real issues and conflicts for a person like my friend who has a naturally reserved personality.  It is easy to see how her mother’s behavior could have contributed to the seemingly staunch persona we see today.

Of course, this whole notion got me to thinking.  I wondered how many of us are now living, acting, and being in a way that may not necessarily be the truth of who we are because of our trying not to be one or both of our parents or caregivers? I wonder how many of us are denying or possibly by this time in your life have completely forgotten who the real you is and why you ever stopped being her in the first place.  I think it highly likely that a good number of women are not living as their authentic self.  Further pondering of these questions lead me to consider how many different personas I have worn which  did not reflect the real me, in my lifetime as the result of trying not to be like someone, or in an effort to be more like someone or even to gain the attention or affections of someone else.  I found that I was much like my friend who had allowed other people to define for me the person I would show the world and I realized one of the reasons why so many women are just so angry!

How could one really be happy walking through their entire life play acting and denying the gift that is you from yourself and to the world?  From my personal experience I can say it is next to impossible.  I would think it reasonable to say that at best one can hope for glimpses of happiness and fulfillment here and there, but without knowing and being who you really are one cannot have real happiness because which would really make you happy is yet to be discovered along with your authentic self.  How much longer are you willing to deny the real you? How long have you been wearing that fragrance and really how well is it working out for you? If the answer is not so well, then are you still willingly to give your power to someone else to dictate to you who you are? I say it is time to authenticate and to finally reveal in all of its glory the REAL YOU!  Happier times are ahead if you would KEEP IT REAL.  Don’t be afraid or put off by what others may say or think about you; it’s not your job to please everyone.  I can say with certainty that not everyone will like or even approve of the real you, but I remind you that they didn’t before, so don’t let that stop you!  This is no longer about them; this is about healing you (which in a broader spectrum is about them), but for now our focus is you.  I urge you to get out there and find her.  I promise she will embrace you with open arms!

To my client/friend, I give my gratitude for your graciously allowing me to use you for this piece.

Dance like nobody is watching and sing like nobody is listening!  

Deonae