People Are Watching Me?

Last night I had the pleasure of having dinner with my oldest friend. It was super hot, but we were determined to get out and enjoy a Friday evening. We went over to Old Town walked around yap, yap, yapping while looking at the items for sell by the various vendors and finally sat down for dinner. Throughout dinner the yapping continued, but it was some good stuff! It was during the course of that yapping that I came to realize how people may be watching me and let me tell you it was a pretty frightening thought! My friend shared some comments that had recently been made about me from some people I never would have thought were paying any attention at all. Imagine my surprise when I found out. Who knew? It did however get me to thinking about how I really did out myself.

One of the reasons I know I have taken so long in taking on a venture of this sort is because I was concerned about what others would think or have to say about me. I have been that way for the better part of my life, overly concerned with other people’s opinions of me and to explain to you why would take the time to write an entire book which may come later, but for now I will stick to the current subject matter! I have to say that now it doesn’t matter to me so much what most people are thinking about me, but I do still care to some degree about some, but now for entirely different reasons. I have learned many things over the past forty-one and one of them is somebody is always going to have something to say about me, but it’s not my problem. That knowledge however, did not keep me from getting a little bit antsy about the possibility of being watched or perhaps more properly put is being paid attention to.
I’ve always been very good at being seen and not seen at the same time if that makes sense. I have never liked a lot of attention and have for the most part gone out of my way to avoid being the center of it. So, this undertaking has been a little scary for me. What is scary about this is the actual exposing of me to anyone and everyone who wants to be a part of it. I am allowing people to be a part of my transformation and with that I know there are some who are rooting for me to win if only for purely selfish reasons because they know that if I can do it then it means they can too. While there are others who are waiting for me to fail so they can again prove themselves right about being wrong. They believe that life is hard or whatever else lie they have told themselves and my failure at transforming my life (not to mention my goal which is the small task of changing the world) reinforces the pack of lies they have fed into. Some are secretly watching so as not to publicly get their hopes up high and have to openly admit to disappointment in the unlikely event of my failure. They are like I was, in not wanting to openly admit to hoping for something so they would not have to admit to disappoint, as if it doesn’t feel the same.

Of course there will always be skeptics who I am sure are thinking something big has already happened in my life to bring about this “sudden” change in attitude. I assure you there have been no such events. My life picture looks virtually the same as it did six months ago; the only thing that has changed is my mind. I have no new man or any man for that matter who has done or said something to make me happy or optimistic about the future. Which I know some people may be thinking because women have a tendency toward such states of temporary bliss when they have a new man or the one they have is finally cooperating with them! I have no new job or haven’t come into any large sums of money, yet! I haven’t received an inheritance; or gotten any word that I should be expecting one anytime soon. I have had no raise nor bought a new car or house. What I have done is decide it is now time for a change and that I can no longer in good consciousness sit by watching, judging and thereby, condemning the world without making any valid effort at changing it. I have decided to do my part regardless of who is watching and what it is they have to say about it and I am now encouraging you to do the same!
I really wonder how many of you have held off on taking steps toward your dreams, or to change (anything) because of what someone else may be thinking. If this is the case I ask you why? Like I said before people are always going to have something to say. If you choose to do nothing, they will talk. That being the case, I say give them a big ole juicy mouth full! I know that putting yourself out there in front of people is not always easy, but you are not doing it for them on the front end, you are doing it for yourself, though ultimately you are doing it for them. If you begin to honor yourself others will do the same. Healing cannot be done alone as it is contagious in a good kind of way, a lot like laughter is.

Admittedly this is a whole new level of responsibility, it causes me to have to really be on to myself and to pay close attention to how I am being, but I believe it is worth the undertaking. I have set some really big goals and one step at a time is how I intend to achieve them. You do not have to take giant steps to succeed; one small step at a time will eventually get you to where you want to go. I cannot concern myself with what others will say because I might fail, because there is an even greater possibility that I will succeed! Besides if I try and give it my all did I really fail? Not in my eyes I don’t. The only real failure I believe is to never try at all. I invite you all to come out of hiding and to go for it; whatever it may be! You can keep an eye on me or you can become involved yourself with the next big change to sweep the world. Stay tuned there is definitely more to come!

Success in Everything
Deonae