You’re Not Wrong!

Last night at my house there were fireworks in August! This from what I understand can be a pretty common event, when living in the house with a teenager! There was an incident that had occurred earlier during the day which was completely unrelated to my daughter and me, yet it ended up spilling over into our home and the result was fireworks. I have to say that for a while, things were pretty heated. There was some arguing back and forth between us, essentially, it was a power struggle. One in which I was determined to win! This attitude ultimately led to more struggle and more arguing and more struggle and well I think you get the picture.

My daughter like me is very strong willed; opinionated and self-centered (she however is this exponentially right now!). As one can imagine, this makes for some interesting times in our home. Last night happens to have been one of those "interesting" times. Lately, we have been dealing with her attitude and her tone, the manner in which she speaks to people. She like most teenagers really believes that this is HER world and that the rest of it's inhabitants are here to service her and if we are not doing so then we are an extreme annoyance to her and her annoyance at you comes across loud and clear when she is addressing you directly. I am sure that for those of you who are parents of teenagers or who have ever raised one can relate to what I am saying here. It is very challenging to keep in mind that she is a work in progress who needs constant guidance and direction and to remember that when she acts out like she does from time to time that it is really a call for help. That being said, I was fortunately, during this whole event last night, able to not just listen to but to really hear what my daughter was saying and hear her call for help. She was really angry and upset with herself over the day's events and therefore being really hard on herself. She like me and many of us is struggling with the issue of "not being enough" or being "wrong" and it doesn't help that she has a younger brother who is naturally thoughtful and generous who people like to compare her to which ultimately ends up making her feel more wrong. During the events of the night, she made reference to him and how everyone loves him more and treats him better; here I thought (and was grateful for) was another opportunity for me to relay to her how people treat her is a direct correlation to how she treats other people. I want her to understand that she is no longer under the grace of being a cute little girl who gets passes because she is young and that people will now treat her with the same level of respect or lack thereof, that she gives to them. This is what I call the principle of reciprocity and I have decided to teach my children this principle of reciprocity, reaping what you sow or karma (what one chooses to call it doesn't matter as the principle is the same) because I believe whole heartedly that what you put out in word, action, or deed ALWAYS comes back to you in equal measure. I wanted her to see how she has been with other people and make the connection to how people are being with her and to get this young so that she can then make conscious decisions in her life about who and how she will be, therefore making her powerful in her life.

As I listened to her speak, what I heard her saying in all of her despair and explaining is "I am wrong, I am not good enough, I am wrong" and the more I tried to refute this the more I could see her becoming convinced in her position of wrongness. I then began to feel like I was failing miserably. I was struggling for the right words and the ability to diffuse this situation because I knew that I could lose my child in a sea of worthlessness if I wasn't able to get this right and soon. I heard myself say inwardly "I need help," which I guess was a silent prayer because the words which came from my mouth next were not my own. What I said to my baby girl who was by this time in a flood of tears was, "You are not wrong, you are perfect, and you are learning." I also heard myself say, "Your actions are not always right, but that doesn't make you wrong, but in need of correction." The words though they came from my mouth were not my own and were music to both of our ears because as I spoke them to her, I was also speaking to myself. I could see her instantly lighten up and begin to relax. The situation was from that moment able to take on a completely different tone and was by in large resolved.

Later, I was able to reflect and to think of how many adult women could benefit from those same words being spoken to them now! Here they are for you; YOU ARE PERFECT! YOU ARE NOT WRONG! YOU ARE LEARNING AND ONLY IN NEED OF CORRECTION! Just because you are all grown up does not mean you know it all, in fact it is probably quite the opposite. Most of us have been taught that we are wrong simply by being born into this gender and then have continually found ways to reinforce our wrongness by being too fat, short, tall, not smart enough, or your hair is too short, you're not talented enough and a whole host of other things I am sure can be inserted here. None of it is true, not one word of it is. In order for us to heal our children and our world, we must first heal how we look at ourselves and how we hold ourselves as invaluable. Nothing could be further from the truth. In case you have never been told before, allow me to be the first to say that you have been wrong about your being wrong! In Truth, you are perfection; the image and likeness of God! The experiences you have had to the contrary were designed for you know the truth of your perfection. Without such experiences you can only have an awareness of perfection and never really know it. Without an actual experience, what we have is only an awareness of a thing. Right now we are all having a collective experience to help us to know our truth which is perfection. It is only after these experiences, will we have a genuine capacity to appreciate and know the truth. I want us all to stop being so hard on ourselves, we deserve to treat ourselves with kindness and the understanding that we are still learning. We don't yell at babies when the fall as they are learning to walk, so why would you beat up on yourself when you make a mistake and need some correction? Learn to be gentle with yourself on this journey and remember you are Perfection.

Bye for now, Deonae

Being on to myself…and yourself

It has been a short while since I have last written and I have to admit I have been in hiding. I could blame my absence on the change in my schedules both at work and at home which would bear some truth, but being partially honest is no longer befitting of me and in fact only serves as a way of keeping me delusional and spinning. I know that in order to accomplish my goals and to realize my dreams, I have to be willing to tell the truth about who I am being and what I am actually up to in my life. If I choose to do anything else, I am allowing myself to be stuck on pause.

In the past I have had a tendency to self sabotage and do any number of clever things I could to derail myself and then act as if I had no idea where something came from or how it happened. What I have noticed as of late is I have gotten cleverer with my sabotage. It has become increasingly easier to make excuses for why I am not doing what I have committed to doing. The kids and their schedule have been the most recent convenient excuse. Now, if I were to say that I am really busy and just don't have the time to write I would be well within the confines of the truth in saying so; especially since football and cheer have started for the kids and we leave the house at around 7am not to return until at least 8:30 pm that night on a daily basis during the week. But the entire truth is I have do have the time while I am sitting for three hours waiting for them to finish their practices, I can sit in my car just as I am now and write. I haven't been doing this because I temporarily lost sight of my goal and had allowed myself for a moment to become discouraged because things weren't going the way I had planned and not quite as quickly as I would have liked them to. Which is where the self-sabotage comes in, instead of being willing to take one step at a time, I wanted everything at one time, instantaneously and when that didn't happen, I retreated and almost quit.

I have never been one who likes the middle as I call it. I want to have the vision and get right to the goal or the prize. The stuff in the middle, the process, the work, is the part I have always hated and avoided often times at all costs. Now, in the spirit of maturing and being on to myself, I must admit to being able to see now why I haven't accomplished more than I have in my life. Continuing in that same spirit of maturity and growth I have to also add that it is fear which has fostered my dislike for the process. This fear comes in many forms; the most common of them are my fear of failure and fear of not being enough, which really is because I am not enough I will fail. I have felt many times as if I didn't hurry up and get there, to the goal that I would certainly mess it up and never see it through to success. Therefore, I would rush through or more often than not quit so as not to fail. Can you see how defeating those thoughts and actions are? They are self-sabotage at its best and even though I feel differently about myself now, I still battle those old thoughts that had been with me for a very long time.

One thing I have had to become clear on is that each day I must remind of myself who really I am. I know that I must reconnect to the Source because I know that if I don't and if I for one second allow myself to forget then the old thoughts that are sitting and waiting just below the surface will gladly come in and take over as ruling thoughts, putting me back on to the relentless Ferris wheel of not enough. Those thoughts I believe will never go away completely, but they will become more and more quiet as they become buried deeper and deeper under the Truth of who you are. This is why it is important to stay conscious to what you are thinking and staying awake to how you are being. It is necessary for healing to get to know yourself well and to be kind but honest with yourself so that transformation can take root and then ultimately flourish into the beautiful new you. I am back and willing to continue walking through this entire process all the way to the end.

 

Love,

Deonae

Stay In The Climb!

This was sent to me by email and because I thought it was fabulous, I wanted to share. Enjoy!


To chase down a dream!

Sorry I've been MIA but we just finished the movie, For Colored Girls, and
I have to tell you, I have new respect for Ntozake Shange's 1975 writings.
Listening to these words spoken through the voices of Phylicia Rashad,
Kerry Washington, Tessa Thompson, Macy Gray, Kimberly Elise, Thandie
Newton, Whoopi Goldberg, Janet Jackson and Loretta Devine, made me not
only respect the brilliance of the material, but also pull out everything
in me to do my best to give it the care and attention to detail that it
deserved.  Out of all that I've ever done in my life, nothing has taken
more out of me than this film. It is remarkable.

Being so drained, I decided to take a few days off.  Yesterday I was
hiking a mountain in Hawaii with a friend.  I was laboring up this
beautiful green pastured mountain, looking down at my feet trying to be
sure of my footing, while at the same time trying to catch my breath from
the altitude.  At times, I would make big steps, sometimes all I could do
was take small ones.  The terrain was uneven and rough at times.  It took
a lot of effort and a lot of thought so, needless to say, I was getting
really tired and at times wanted to stop or just turn back.

I got to one peak and I thought "I'm here, great, we can rest now" only to
realize that just because I was at the top of one peak, that didn't mean I
had arrived.  There were more…more valleys to go through and more heights
to reach.  It was interesting to me, that in order to go higher, we
usually had to go down through a valley, and it went on and on and up and
up.  I was tired and wanted to sit down but my friend said, "Come on,
let's go a little higher."  So, not to be outdone by a girl (lol), I dug
my hiking boots in and went a little higher.  We finally got to one of the
highest points and she said to me, "This is the best part, now turn
around."  I turned around and behind me was the most amazing view that I
had seen in my 40 years on this earth.  As far as my eyes could see,
beauty reigned.  The Hawaiian Islands seemed to be leaping up out of the
silver blue sea, stretching up to catch the dust of the sky.  The clouds
seemed close enough to catch in my hand and make a wish; rays of sunlight
danced through them trying to find a path to show off their own glow and
power.  Not even Picasso could have out-painted the canvas that was before
me.  The heavens were declaring the glory of God.  I saw Him in motion.

I said to my friend, "When did we get this high?", and she said, "It was
in the climb."  I couldn't help but think about life - mine and maybe even
yours.  I thought about how hard it had been for me chasing down my dream.
I thought about how hard it can be to believe sometimes.  I thought about
the entire struggle, all of the pain, all of the hope, all of the doubt.
I thought about the times I was working a dead end job, trying to believe;
moving through day-to-day with my head down just taking one step at a
time, some small, some big ones, wanting to give up; wanting to stop and
sit for a while; wanting to lay in my sorrow; nobody believing in me;
nobody thinking it would come to pass and never realizing that every step
was taking me closer to higher.  That hike was painful, it hurt, but
through it all I was getting higher and had no idea how high I was.
That's what it's like to chase down a dream.

Sometimes in life dreams are hard to follow, like that climb.  You don't
know how high you're going or even if you're moving, but every step, even
when you can't see what's behind you, will take you closer to your goals.
It's in the climb.  I know you may be struggling right now, but you're in
the climb; things may be hard right now, but you're in the climb; people
may not believe in you, but it's part of the climb.  They may take shots
at you, but stay in the climb; you may have to stand alone, but you're in
the climb.  Even if you're not where you want to be right now, I want to
say to you what she said to me, "This is the best part, now turn around."
Look how far you've come.  God has not brought you this far to leave you.
Stay in the climb.

So thankful for all of you.  Be well.  CLIMB!

Tyler Perry

Our Girls Need Us!

For the past couple of weeks I have had the opportunity to work with the girls at my school. For those of you who do not know, one of my jobs is as a teacher at a juvenile detention center. Because I am not permanent staff I am afforded what I think is an opportunity to work with both the boys and girls. This week and for the past couple I have been working with the girls. It is as you can already imagine not always the easiest job to do. I encounter some things I would never have imagined in wildest dreams while working with these children. Many of them at their young ages have been a victim of or witness to more pain, violence and trauma than most adults have in their entire lifetime.
Today as I witnessed a young woman break down into tears because a female probation staff threatened to throw away her personals, which are primarily letters and pictures my heart was deeply saddened about the current mental and emotional state of many of our teenage and young adult women. It was very difficult to watch this adult woman knowing this young girls situation have little to no consideration as to her already fragile state and to also exhibit no compassion when deciding to take a minor issue to the extreme. It would be easy at this point to discount this incident to something the young woman deserved because of where she is and possibly befitting punishment for what she is accused of, but I believe the problem is much deeper than this. What was missed here was an opportunity for one woman to embrace another and to give to her the much needed guidance and support she deserves. Too many times opportunities likes these are wasted because our society has taken on the attitude of that’s not my child, WRONG; all of them are our children!
I know that I work with a population of children who are the minority, but before we begin to deny that we know these children and our responsibility to them, I want note to be taken that these children when not locked up are a part of our larger majority population walking amongst the “regular” teenagers at their “regular” high schools every day. These children look just like regular ordinary kids so trust me, you probably have little idea about who your kids are associating at school or even bringing home. Admittedly, in many cases these kids are the extreme when it comes to troubled children, but they are in essence no different from our own kids. Sadly, they have been left to their own devices for growing up and without proper guidance have landed themselves in a system which is designed to not willingly allow them escape.
It is not my intention to talk here about the juvenile justice system, but to use it as a starting point for a discussion of the importance of getting back to the way things were, or perhaps to make things better than they ever have been. I want you to understand that ANY young woman that you know at this moment could more easily than you think become one of my students if we don’t relinquish our selfishness and begin to own our full responsibility as mothers of the earth and put an end to the steady downward decline of our youth. The fact that the adult female is so relatively complacent of the collective threats to our young is an indicator of a lack of thought given to the intention for the human race to survive. Our future is in our young, they are the new inventors and healers of the world and women will be the guiding force to the change necessary shape our children and to ultimately saving our species. Our young women are missing and subsequently crying out for the proper guidance and support needed for them to develop fully into confident, beautiful, powerful, and thriving women who will continue to support the survival and thriving of our species.
Women, we have been asleep and unwilling to do anything in the past, yet how things have been has no bearing on how things have to be, and I think we're living at a time when womanhood is just a moment away from emerging into the light of our collective possibility. This many not include all of us but I believe enough of us have heard the call to awaken and are therefore ready to take action. We should not be pretending we don't know what's going on; we should not be giving in to the various and obvious temptations to anesthetize ourselves. We should be doing quite the opposite, by taking the wheel of human civilization and saying to anyone who will listen: We're taking back our children and our, and we're taking them back NOW.
Anyone who's looking at the world and not grieving isn't conscious; but anyone who's looking at the world and not rejoicing in the possibilities for how we can turn all this around, is underestimating what human beings can do. We can learn to love and to support each other. We can be conduits for the miraculous. We can stop playing small and start playing large. We can stop giving in to our weaknesses and start claiming our strengths. We can never, never, never give up. Giving up and closing our eyes is what has gotten us where we are. We can be the mothers of a new and better world. And all of this is possible because we can decide. We can decide to say something. We can decide to do something. We can decide to step up and participate. But we must decide now... not later. There is no more time to waste.

Deonae

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

I'M GONNA BE READY

"I'm Gonna Be Ready"

I say a prayer every night, whatever I do, I'll get it right
With no regret, no guilt or shame this time, no not this time
Once I surrender, I won't dare look back, cause if I do, I'll get off track
Move ahead in faith, and patiently await your answer, what will it be

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see
You know what's best for me
Prepare my mind, prepare my heart
For whatever comes, I'm gone' be ready

Strength to pass any test
I feel like I'm so blessed
With you in control, I can't go wrong
'Cause I always know, I'm gonna be ready

I was free to do, what I wanted to, lost everything, but I still had you
You showed me your grace, now my life's renewed and I thank you, yes.. I thank
You
So I'll tell anyone who'll listen, I'll testify
About how good you were to me, when so call friends passed me by
The fact that you would show somebody so broke down, so-much-merccccyyy...

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see BEYOND WHAT I SEE
You know what's best I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME
Prepare my mind...PREPARE MY MIND AND PREPARE MY HEART
For whatever comes...FOR WHATEVER COMES I GONNA BE READY

Strength to pass any test GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO PASS ANY TEST
I feel like I'm so blessed I KNOW THAT I'M SO BLESSED
With you in control...YOUR IN CONTROL LORD, CAN'T GO WRONG NO
'Cause I always know...CAUSE I KNOW THAT I'M GONNA BE READY

So use me as you will, I'll pay the price
'Cause made the ultimate sacrifice
It's all because of you, that I even have life
And I'll give my love, as a tribute, to how great you are...

[Chorus:]
Sight beyond what I see BEYOND WHAT I SEE
You know what's best I KNOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR ME OHH OOHH
Prepare my mind...PREPARE MY HEART AND PREPARE MY MIND
For whatever ...FOR WHATEVER COMES I GONNA BE READY YEAH YEAH YEAH

Strength to pass any test I WANNA PASS THIS TEST
I feel like...I KNOW THAT I AM, KNOW THAT I AM, KNOW THAT I'M SO BLESSED
With you in...YOUR IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE LORD, I CAN'T GO WRONG NO
'Cause I always know...AND I KNOW IT I'M GONNA BE I'M GONNA BE READY

I'm gonna be ready THIS TIME I'M GONNA BE
I'm gonna be ready CAUSE YOU LIVE DEEP INSIDE OF ME
I'm gonna be ready AND I KNOW IT'S IN YOUR WILL FOR ME TO BE READY
YEAH YEAH YEAH UUUHHHHH
I'M GONNA BE READY

Rickie Byars Beckwith - "All Fades Into God"

All Fades Into God

I awoke this morning with this song on my heart.  I have been struggling with who I am and what that really means.  I needed reassurance and to remember and right on time was this song! I hope this does for anyone who may need this what it has done for me today.

Love,
Deonae