Why Can't We Cry?

Yesterday as I was scrolling through my facebook page I came across a post written by a woman who is usually very upbeat and encouraging in her daily post, that it shocked me to see her post stating that she was having a difficult time and needed to keep it together for all of the people who were depending upon her.  I posted a comment for her and as a result was able to keep up with all of the threads thereafter and was perplexed at what I read so much so that I am writing about it today.  Let begin by saying how I was touched by the number of people who reached out to her in support.  I have no idea what she is going through in her life at this moment, but I am certain that after everyone reached out in support of her that she will find the strength to get through it whatever it may be.  I did however find some of what I read unsettling because many people who were women were saying to her "keep it in, pull it together".  Now, I could be wrong in my interpretation of what I was reading, but I found it alarming that so many women were on board with the idea of "holding it together".  Again, I will say that I do not know what is going on in this woman's life on a daily basis, so I am writing strictly from my own point-of-view, as she could be whining and crying on a daily basis and folks are tired of it and saying "get it together!"  But I do not think this is the case, so I will continue with my original train of thought, which is to say why can't we cry? As if holding it together somehow makes us stronger.  Trust me I understand that as women we don't like to appear weak and emotional, but does having one or even a few major breakdowns in our lives enough to classify ourselves as weak?  I think not! I want to know why it is that we believe that we must hold it together all the time and that if we do not, that we have somehow failed ourselves and the people that we love.  I know that for many it is difficult for us to show emotion, especially depending upon the culture and background from which you come.  There are many outside influences that dictate why we are or are not expressive in our emotions.  For, example, in my culture, as a black woman, crying and big displays of emotion unless one is at church or at a funeral (at church) are not readily acceptable.  I don't know why exactly, but I can infer that is it due in large to the structure of our homes.  It is well known and sad to say that most African American homes are headed by single women.  It is this phenomenon; I believe dictates most of our emotional actions so to speak.  I will speak for a moment as one of those head of the household women and talk about my personal fear behind the displaying of (negative) emotion.    My number one concern is for my children.  I feel as though if I do cry in front of them, then the little ones, who depend upon and always look to me to make all things right in the world, will lose confidence in their safety. This may or may not be true, but it is how I feel.  My second concern is for the people who look out for me and who are concerned for the safety and well being of me and the kids.  Next on the list would be the people (who I'll admit are probably imaginary) who would judge me for not holding it together and are looking for me to fail and finally on the list of concerns are the people who I do not consciously realize or remember who are looking to me as an example of how this thing should be done.  I feel as though if I do not always remain that pillar of strength and confidence then perhaps the world will slide off of its axis and come crashing to a definite demise! That was highly overstated, but I think you get the point I am trying to make which is we feel as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders and the negative effects of those thoughts reveal themselves in our everyday lives, by way of anger, frustration, sickness and unhealthy relationships. Holding in our emotions is what opens the pathway to our major breakdowns.  Those feelings have to express themselves and left to their own will wreak havoc in your life!  Too many of us are getting sick and dying from preventable deaths because we are not allowing the negative stuff out and it is manifesting itself as sickness in our bodies.  Perhaps I will write about this later, but for now… Back to who made up the rules about our crying and losing it?  Who made that up anyway? I am almost certain it wasn’t one of us and I will refrain from naming names! How did we come to the conclusion that crying equated weakness when in many cases it is exactly the opposite.  Crying is a natural way of expressing the emotions of sadness, frustration, disappointment and sometimes even happiness, so where did the absurd notion that crying meant weakness.  Was Jesus being weak when he wept?  I don’t know that anyone ever thought he was a loser or a punk or weak because he displayed tears.  Before we all bring out our boxes of tissue and start our crying fest, we must remember to keep things all in perspective.  There is such a thing as too much of something.  I am not by any stretch of the imagination condoning rolling over and being a wimp.  I am saying that the  displaying of emotions are not bad when necessary or appropriate, but that they only become harmful, when we allow our emotions to rule us.  Remember when Jesus told Peter to walk on water during the storm? My interpretation of this scripture is this: The storm was the turmoil or trouble that Peter and the fisherman were dealing with and the water Peter was told to walk on were his emotions.  In essence what Jesus was saying to Peter is that your emotions in this moment are not serving you well so you would do best to rule them and not they you.  The same can be said for each of us on a daily basis, we cannot always be ruled by our emotions, but there are times when they are plenty useful to us. While no two peoples journey's are exactly the same, as women, I believe there is more commonality in our story's than not.  We all have stresses in our lives, some more complex than others but stresses nonetheless and stress is relative.  As some might look at one woman's situation and say to her that's all you have to worry about, she does has no understanding that it might be massive in the eyes of the beholder. So let us not get caught up in whose stress or difficulties are greater than the other but let us remember that we all have something we consider an issue. With that I ask that we allow some space in our sisterhood for some healing tears, be they in private or alongside someone you can trust let them out and never ever be afraid of losing it because from my own experience, you are stronger than you know and will always land right side up if you say so!   
                                    Peace and Love,
 Deonae